Thursday, May 13, 2010

A year ago today I was at home while my kids were with my sister. Because I wasnt recovering well from my kidney stone surgery. Little did I know in a few hours my life would change forever. My husband came home and I asked him to massage my neck. Who new that in my surgery that my vetebral artery had been disected. So the pressure on my neck would alow a clot to go to my brain. Few seconds later I seen in 3D and wasnt making sence. It was my first of three strokes. Who new that today I have concored to relearn to use MOST of my motor skills on my right side. Im truely grateful for all of my progress I have made. Its really a selfesteem booster when you go to the doc. with out fail there amazed at my progress. But its still so crazy what I have lost. Im really struggling right know that I cant workout, devestated bee on belief I have lost my ability to have my own bilogical children, especially the overall stress of worrying about I may or maynot have another stroke, or not beeing able to focus long enough to put a puzzle together, I cant walk heel to toe, I truely require a minimum of 10-12 of hours of sleep, my strength is no where near the same these are just the ones I can think of right know. I know you are thinking Im probably beeing ungrateful. But I really am grateful because I know it could have been worse. Because its been was. Its nice to beable to not have to rely on anyone to take care of my kids while I just sat there. No one can prepare someone for walking in a walker or not beeing able to hold your 11 month old, or beeing a 100 dependant on whoever was helping that day. Its completly undescribable. I feel lucky because I have a fabulous gift of making everything seem ok. I truely love that about me but I do have to say I have struggled extremly this last little bit. I want to thank anyone and everyone for all of your help, bbsitting, phonecalls.